HIV tests are more positive than that guy
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
