stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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