in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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