it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
