all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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