I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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