i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
