I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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