I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
