White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
