I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
