so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
