Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
