I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
