I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
