i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
