I am puke
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
