I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
