the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
