1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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