I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
