Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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