My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
