i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Bring me that man meat
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
