I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
