i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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