I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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