What a fucking waste of an outfit
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
