The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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