If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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