Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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