So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
