I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
