I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
