one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
