Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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