So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
