I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
