a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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