He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
