i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
