How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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