My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
