I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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