What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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