Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
