There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
