you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
