I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
