I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
