Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
