Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
