I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
