he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
