This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
