Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Your penis caused this!
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