I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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