I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
