This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just gargled with NyQuil
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
