Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
