im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
