i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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